Sorry about the lack of updates lately, just been kinda bleh around here. Being stuck in a rut is the best way I can describe it. And it’s on more than one thing.
Creatively, I really don’t know where to go from where im currently at, but the creative side of me has really dulled down and it has been that way for a while now, projects never really come into fruition, and follow-through has never been a huge strong point of mine. It keeps feeling like I need change, but each time I change it, it just isn’t the one I was expecting, or I don’t feel satisfied with it, the main problem being, I have no idea what I want.
Career wise, well, filling out a ton of applications, but never getting a call back, and a couple other potential opportunities that have fallen apart, but really, I can’t control that, so it doesn’t worry me too much, of course I’d love to be working, but you can’t force someone to hire you.
But most of all I think the one that bleh that is bugging me the most is friendship. I feel lately like I’ve been slacking, or a bad friend to a few people, I don’t know why, but I feel like im doing/have done something wrong to some people, like im not giving, listening, caring enough, or that im focusing on some and not others, making them feel like outcasts or something. I try to be as open as possible and as available to everyone as possible, I just feel like maybe im not doing enough, or maybe im trying too hard, annoying them and driving them away.
Maybe im severely over-thinking this, maybe ill forget about it all tomorrow, but lately, it has just been bugging me. I mean, I’m happy with my life (obviously I wish I had some local friends to hang out with and talk to, but I digress), I’ve got a family that loves me and some of the best friends in the world. There’s just something missing that I can’t quite figure out yet, and with life you have to keep striving to learn, and I want to learn what the missing piece is, because I guess if I don’t learn what it is, I won’t know what im looking for.
Life keeps going, rut or no rut, you gotta power yourself through, you’ll get out of it eventually.
Take care everyone, I promise ill update again soon!
cujorulesdtown90.wordpress.com 
I promise I will get your super late birthday stuff in the mail. I’m going to have to find a poster tube or a bigger box.
I know for a fact that things will absolutely get better. The fact that you wrote this shows that you are strong enough to face what’s been getting to you. I think this blog post will really end up helping you